Ridiculous
For years, I didn’t talk about writing. I was embarrassed to tell people I wrote fiction. Labelling myself a writer felt fraudulent, at first because I hadn’t been published and later because I hadn’t been published anywhere ‘big’. Then there was the possibility that my dreams would go nowhere. What then? Then I would be, well…ridiculous.
The irony is that my work didn’t truly begin to develop until I went public and embraced my writer identity. Outing myself meant taking my dreams seriously. It was a raising of the stakes, a necessary step.
I know now that following any kind of creative path means falling on your face a lot. Rejections and failures are part of the journey. I’ve grown comfortable with that.
Still, I have days where I feel ridiculous.
When I get rejection #20.
When another mom at the playground asks if I’ve sold my book yet.
When I’m midway through the first draft of a novel and realize it’s every bit as shitty as the last first draft I wrote (I mean really? have I learned anything? are they always going to be that shitty?).
This post is a note to my future self. It’s for those days when I feel foolish for falling again and again and again.
In her autobiography, My Story, Marilyn Monroe said this:
Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.
Some days that quote is my mantra and I wanted to put it somewhere where I wouldn’t forget it. Because while being ridiculous is necessary, it’s also beautiful and courageous.
So, future self, and anyone else out there who’s striving for something that’s out of reach, making lots of mistakes and feeling ridiculous: keep it up. I love when you pick yourself up and stumble onwards. You’re my hero.
I write stories, most of which contain a fairy or two. On this blog I write about the things that matter to me. When I'm not making stuff up I also love taking photographs. All the photos here are my own. If you're still curious, find out more on my About page.
(making notes) Yes. That.
Love the quote/mantra. Made me smile.
That is so great Kim. I love that you have stepped into your true self and are letting everyone see it. Your dreams will come to you only if you pursue them with relentless desire and strength to keep getting up over and over again. Congratulations!
Such a great blog post Kim! A lot of people have those moments, but few have the courage to embrace it. Love it! You
just inspired me
Thanks for all the words of encouragement and understanding. I feel less ridiculous when I remember I have friends out there rooting for me. It means a lot!
Hi Kim! I’m playing blog catch-up and just read this post.
The Marilyn quote is wonderful. Thanks for sharing it!
I can identify with some of what you wrote. Only last year did I start introducing myself as a writer. It got easier each time I said it. I don’t feel so ridiculous these days.
Thanks Tracy! I just popped into your blog. Love your Three for Thursday posts, great idea.